Quitting Smoking

As of this most recent Burn night, September 3, it has been one year since my last cigarette. 

Many people in my life never even knew I was a smoker. I was never a heavy one. Never was one of those people that needed to step outside, alone in the cold to light one up. It was mostly social. Mostly. 

Sitting at a cafe after a long day, with a coffee and a Sherman MCD was pure heaven. Lighting one up over drinks with friends was even better.

I was smoking the most when I was 19 and working as an insurance agent. Was totally miserable about life, my body and my future. That was the only time in my life where I NEEDED to take a break from work to puff on some Dunhills. 

For most of my life, Sherman MCDs have been my brand. The higher quality tobacco and cleaner taste perhaps kept me from full on nicotine addiction. Or maybe I had it and didn't know it. Either way, I remember the moment I realized it's really time to quit. It was on a Wednesday morning run at November Project. I'd been running more on my own with the intention of not being the very last person in the pack anymore. That's all I wanted at first. But then I got a little better at moving my body. Better than I ever thought possible. And then it hit me: I'm running up a hill and I find my body still having enough stamina to keep going... But my lungs were quitting on me. 

I smoked maybe a half a pack per week. I realized the lacking lung capacity was not about the handful of cigarettes but due to the decade-plus accumulation of filling my lungs with smoke. So I decided I'd either quit after Burning Man 2015 or YOUtopia 2015. 

But then Burn night came in 2015 and Black Rock City was so bloody dusty that every cigarette was like smoking half the playa. I remember taking a puff, looking at the cig and thinking, "nah... I'm done." Gave the rest of my pack to some friends.

A week went by and I ended up at a party. Everyone stepped outside for cigarettes. I followed. This was the real test. I hung out. A cig was offered and I politely declined. It wasn't that big a deal. 

Then another week. Then another week. 

My cardio got better. My meditation got better. I'd watch friends falling apart from hangovers and coughing up a lung while I woke up refreshed and with renewed energy. 

It's been hilariously easy. I'd made the resolution to populate this new chapter of my life with more activity. I decided I'd show my body how much I love it by honoring it and treating it with more kindness. And my body rewarded me at Burning Man 2016 in glorious ways. I danced for hours. I walked like a damn machine from one end of the city to the other. I felt powerful and beautiful. Here was this thing, my body, which had been such a burden to me for most of my life... This Burn was about really appreciating this wonderful blessing that is my body.

Energy in, energy out. What we put into our bodies has deep meaning. It is not a curse to have to avoid that last slice of pizza. We show our body that we love and appreciate it by being selective with what we put inside ourselves (oh grow up, whoever is snickering back there!). 

It doesn't bother me in the least when someone else lights up around me. We can make a decision. We can choose not to whine about it. We can replace the habits that no longer serve us with new ones that do. 

But man... It did make me look kinda cool in photos.