Elitists Suck / Movie Critics

I was reminded of a magnificent film I watched last year by a recent Facebook exchange with my friend, Jenna.  The film is The Lives Of Others.  In brief, it is the story of a spy following the lives of an artist and his lover in East Berlin in the 1980s.  As I conveyed to Jenna, "It hit all the buttons I like in my art: It was exciting/well paced, emotionally captivating, intelligently written, educational and on top of all that it was sexy, chic and elegantly shot/directed."  This prompted me to look it up on the Tomato Meter.

http://tiny.cc/MAsKD 

It is "Certified Fresh" clocking in a rating of 93%.  Not shocking.  It is an amazing film.  The thing that prompted me to write this entry, however, was not the positive reviews but the handful of negatives.  

I wonder... Do the handful of critics that give negative reviews to a film which is overwhelmingly positively received ever consider that maybe they were just in a bad mood when they gave the negative reviews?  Or that they have some sort of personal bias against the director?  Or the story? 

Seriously, when you're in a room and EVERYONE around you agrees that the sky is blue, wouldn't that make you think maybe they might have a point?  I'm sure the critics in question would argue that they're not going to just follow the sheep.  A sharp critic might use Gigli (http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=gigli&x=0&y=0) as an example.  Gigli, starring Ben Affleck and J Lo was, without question, a bad movie.  The critics' responce to it, however, was very obviously pandering to that era's Beniffer bashing frenzy.  Gigli had become the Frankenstein's monster of the film community.  I was actually surprised that Ben Affleck was not chased down in the streets by an angry mob wielding torches. 

Examples like Gigli aside, my personal experience with Rotten Tomatoes has been this: When everyone overwhelmingly agrees that a film is good (really really good), the few descendants tend to come off as total curmudgeons, reaching desperately to find reasons to justify their negative reviews.  Joe Esterhaus (writer of Basic Instinct) would surely argue that it's because the film critics in question are actually aspiring screen writers, bitter at the world and trying too hard to show off their knowledge of film.  I would take it a step further to say they are the elitists within the elitists; maybe they are thinking to themselves: "It is not enough that the masses are responding favorably (so it MUST be low quality) then if even the critics are responding favorably (those corporate sheep) then I must stay above all that and call this out on the trash it really is!"

One critic complained that the ending was too sentimental, a common complaint of elitists who don't like happy endings.  They bitch that happy endings are very Hollywood.  Though I would not argue this, I would argue that there would be no point in making movies about the status quo.  If the movie is about a German spy, why would the story teller want to tell the story of the 453 other German spys who followed all the rules and led an unremarkable life?  How interesting would that story be?  I want to hear the story of that one random renegade who broke the mold!  That's the one worth telling a story about!  Why do I want to watch a movie about a guy that just goes to work every day?  I want to watch the movie about the guy that goes to work at it turns out that his boss is dating his daughter; THAT is the story to tell! 

Elitists suck.  

They suck because they hold art hostage for themselves because they feel less special about their "ownership" of it because now "everyone else" has discovered it.  

Elitists can come from many walks of life... They can be the high society art flunkies who host private exhibitions of some hot new artist in Soho (whom someone important has said that they're the next big thing!) which they charge ludicrous sums of money for attendance or keep the invite list down to only a select few other "important people to know."  They sneer at the hip hop artist down the block who speaks poetry to millions.  Elitists can be the coffee shop hipsters who loved Jason Meraz when he performed at Lestat's and have since, branded him a sellout because he's on a big label.  Or the Ravers who liked a DJ before he "went mainstream" by using vocals on his newest tracks (not considering for a second that he might be evolving as an artist and has always wanted to use vocals but couldn't afford it).  Elitists can be the independent movie goers who refuse to see any film which gets play on the big chain movie theaters.  These same movie goers are the ones that go to see a comedy from Spain but watch with intense seriousness because they mistakenly believe that "good" art must be very very serious art indeed.  This one hit me personally... The last time I went to see a Pedro Amadovar film at The Ken, I laughed at some parts (because they were fucking funny) and was given dirty looks from other attendees who felt that I was perverting their cultural outing.  A buddy and I had a similar experience when watching Sideways (a full on comedy!) at the Landmark in La Jolla.  

There is so much great art out there that the masses don't find access to because they are intimidated by the elitists who guard the gates.  They conclude that if you prefer Budweiser over Heiniken, than you must be a flunky who just won't "get" the art they hold so dearly (as a status symbol).  They guard the gates by serving only wine and asking you to order it for yourself.  They haze you by forcing you to pronounce the kind of wine you want and correct your pronunciation when you do; a very subtle "fuck you" if you ask me.  They talk about you and that cheap suit you're wearing and the shoes that don't match your belt.  The pattern of your tie is out of style because someone important said so.  They make it so you will walk away thinking you'll never be caught dead in another gallery opening so that you'll never have to wear the monkey suit on a Friday night again.  They breathe a sigh of relief because secretly, they are terrified that you can kick their ass.  They were bullied in high school, physically, so they grow to bully you, intellectually.  

The elitist is a bully, plain and simple.  

Elitists suck.  When I call someone an elitist, it is the equivalent of calling their mother a @#%^ loving #$%@ who loves to #$^% their own *&@#. 

The Lives of Others is a near perfect film.  See it.  Laugh at the funny parts and be moved by the emotional parts, in whatever order you choose.  Don't make it an important cultural outing... Just grab a beer from the fridge and watch it casually, in your boxers.  Fuck the gate keepers.  You don't have to go past them to enjoy great art.  The gate only exists in their imagination.

Exactly What Iranians Need

Jake Gyllenhaal.

He will be starring in the forthcoming action adventure based on one of the most popular games of all time, The Prince of Persia. The jest of the story, according to the Internet Movie Database: “Set in medieval Persia, the story of an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from unleashing a sandstorm that could destroy the world.” It’s from Jerry Brukheimer and Disney, the same team that brought us the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

I’m feeling a mixture of emotions. On one hand, I’m excited beyond belief that we get to have a Hollywood style rebuttal to 300 and scores of other movies where we’re the bad guys. On the other hand, I’m so disappointed that the wave broke before I event got a chance to steady my surfboard! The latter, of course, being totally selfish. I have been day dreaming, planning, writing, sketching and musically scoring my own Persian action adventure for many years. Who knows, maybe that means that once TPOP is made, it will just be that much easier to get my baby produced. But I digress…

Why It’s Important

Beyond the pettiness, my dream has always been to make it in Hollywood so I can tell stories that get people to change their perceptions of us. The fact is that emotional memory (and not so much logical memory) resonates at a much more intense level with the majority of people in the world. People's perceptions of history and different cultures rely more on fond memories of their favorite childhood characters in books and less on an intellectual understanding of sociopolitical intricacies that divide us.

Imagine teenage girls dreaming about being Persian princesses and boys being embedded with images of the Persian hero as a rock star badass. Man, you just can’t buy this kind of PR. You know when the air force had it’s highest level of enlistment? After Top Gun came out.

IT’S A MOVIE, NOT NEWS FOOTAGE!

I’m already expecting the waves of bitching and moaning from Iranians everywhere who will no doubtedly be shocked and disgusted at the historical inaccuracies and that an Iranian was not cast as the title character. The hyper-sensitivity of my people, coupled with our culture wide lack of imagination (and sense of wonder) can be a real buzz kill. More than anything, it comes down to the Iranians’ lack of respect for The Arts and by that I mean popular arts such as film and music.

You think Catholics are big on sin? I bet you we’ve got them beat! Black is our favorite color, we mourn deaths longer than even logistically necessary and our TV shows are so god damn depressing that by the end of the half hour drama you feel like popping a xanax. There is this crazy view that Iranians have about the popular arts; that it simply can’t be “Respectable” or “real art” unless it’s “sad and serious.” The Pop music coming out of LA is collectively considered junk food regardless of how masterful and expiramentry the production quality of individual artists might be. If Iranians voted for the Oscars, a movie like Little Miss Sunshine would never even make it past nominations.

Our stories don’t get told because we take ourselves just way too seriously. We’re so drab and dreary that no one wants to listen. That’s why, the very few artists that make it past puberty still dreaming their dreams are the uber-serious ones. If you have enough ‘umph’ to get kicked down and still keep going, you better be one amazingly tortured artist who simply can’t function in a normal plane of existence. The kids who like telling funny stories (and have the talent to do it) just don’t receive the collective cultural support to keep going. Judd Apatow could never have been Iranian. If he was, he’d probably end up having been “a doctor or a lawyer.”

To those waiting to bitch I’d just like to say, relax for a second. Let’s get the world listening to us and enjoying our company before getting into all the political stuff we want to get into. We are now on a date with the world. Let’s seduce the world with our sex appeal and charm first, we’ll have plenty of time on our 4^th or 5^th date to jump into telling them about the emotional baggage we have.

Iranian's Could Stand To Be A Little More Jewish

I’ve always been envious of Jewish culture for this reason: They promote art.

I’m not talking about telling your kids, “Go be a lawyer and do your little drawings on the side” like Iranian parents. I’m talking about the community getting together and telling their kids, “Go out and tell our story to the world!” Think about how many TV shows and movies you watch every year, which have a predominant Jewish character. The character is usually not necessarily political or screaming statements at the audience; he’s just there, existing, and happens to be Jewish. So the audience develops a kinship with this character and the fact that he’s Jewish is not something they’re even conscious about. Then, when we learn of controversy hitting the international community (such as Israel leveling Beirut), it triggers that emotional fondness we feel for our favorite Jewish characters which leads us to sympathize with the Israeli cause just a tad bit more rather than the Arabs in Lebanon, whom we mostly see as terrorists in movies.

Consider that Jews makeup 1.7% (CIA World Fact Book) of the American population. Usually when I tell people that, they respond with shock. Their perception is that there are a lot more Jews in America because they have an emotional memory of there being so many more due to the disproportionate amount they see in movies, TV, music and literature. I might venture to say that I may actually know more about Jewish culture than my own!

Is their some Jewish conspiracy? Absolutely not. Middle Easterners (Arabs and Persians alike) have no one to blame but ourselves.

My experience has been that we come from a culture which does not promote The Artist as an important member of society. An artist is generally seen as a leftover, someone who couldn't quite cut it doing something more important. My mother is a beautiful, vibrant and talented woman with an incredible singing voice. When she was young, my grandmother would secretly take her to talent shows and singing competitions. My grandfather’s attitude (a very common attitude in Iran) was that a respectable woman does not perform for people to gawk and stare at. Now, mind you I have not lived in Iran for a very long time and, from what I hear, there is a new wave of young artists living the Artist’s Life very openly which can only mean that this attitude towards artists can/will change in the future, but I can’t speak to that quite yet. What I have seen, however, is that this attitude towards art has existed all around me. Googoosh is famous in Iran the way Madonna is here. A singer, actress and pop superstar who is loved by so many… I have overheard conversations between older Iranians saying in one breath that they love her music and in the next that so-and-so’s daughter is singing in “some restaurant” with contempt in their tone. Was Googoosh born a superstar then? Everyone has to start somewhere.

I know the point gets lost in my ramblings but here it is: If we promote the popular arts more, if we push our children to go tell our story, then maybe the world can relax a bit and root for the Persian hero. The only thing stopping the world from having that emotional connection to the Persian character is us and the walls our culture puts up for those wanting to pursue the creative path.

I cried for a good half hour after watching The Kite Runner. Freaked out my mom a bit. The major part of that story that I really connected with the main character wanting to write fiction, and everyone responding with “a writer? Well, why not something important like a doctor or a lawyer?”

MrArash Gold?

What’s the common thread I see as an outsider? The sense of community, the promotion of arts and the tradition of healthy debate… The thread seems to be a common contempt for censorship. After all, art is, in many senses, the emotional vomit of a human being. The less the artist sensors himself, the more powerful the art becomes.

Full disclosure... I’ve been dabbling in the idea of converting to Judaism for some time now. I’m agnostic myself, but find the Jewish promotion of communication, art and debate deeply attractive. It would be really nice to finally feel something, spiritually. I’m just not sure if I want to convert for the right reasons. Maybe I'll see my own burning bush one day. For now, I just daydream and dabble.