You Were a Frat-boy?!?

I may never get tired of people’s faces when they respond in shock with that same phrase. And it’s always the same phrase.

When we finished high school, my buddy Mikey went straight to San Diego State University while I chose the community college route in order to dodge the SAT. He would tell me about these guys he’d met on campus while I was killing the hours, hanging out with a bunch of Persians at the cafeteria of San Diego Mesa College, feeling totally pathetic and switching majors every other week. So I’d find myself attending parties at SDSU and bonding with these frat guys. It got to the point where my regular social outings involved a bunch of Gammas and me being the only non-Gamma in the group. So when I finally did transfer it seemed like a no-brainer to pledge.


Pledging. Sucks. ASS.

“It’s the most fun you’re never gonna wanna have again,” Marcelo said to me once. I can’t get into the specifics but these assholes were conniving. Everyone’s memories of the events vary, but my recollection is that it felt like they knew they couldn’t break me with power-trips so I’d usually find myself at the receiving end of mind-games. My self-worth insecurities were on full display that semester. By week four, I’d secretly resolved that I would finish this process, no matter what they threw at me, for the sole purpose of crossing (removing the potential argument that I “didn’t have what it takes”) and telling every one of these guys to go fuck themselves.


The time right after is kind of a blur but I obviously didn’t follow through with that plan, understood why pledging is done the way it’s done and ended up sticking around. I tried to keep my head down and just finish school. Only took on the VP responsibilities because David Judge wouldn’t stop guilt-tripping me about it. Those two years at SDSU weren’t easy. We had a lot of challenges. And that diploma is the most expensive piece of toilet paper I’ve ever purchased. This $45k+ of debt has loomed over my head and affected major life decisions for longer than I care to remember.


During my senior year it dawned me that, for the first time in my life, I felt an absolute confidence that I wouldn’t be homeless. Weird, right? “I’ll disown you as my son” may have been an empty threat by my father, but I grew up fully believing that at any given moment, I could make him upset enough that he’d leave me in the streets. It’s so silly now when I think about it, at 34, but back then it was my unquestionable reality. With G Phi E, however, I’d found an extended family. I felt totally certain that, no matter what happened with my blood family, I had these people to turn to and couches to crash on.


Today, my brothers Alfred and Andre did my taxes and helped me get setup for a business license. I showed Andre the videos I’d created for my brother, Jamahl. They asked about my creative partner Chris and our manage Eddie; both Gamma Men with whom I’ve shared an amazing journey through the entertainment industry. A few weeks ago I got to introduce my Big Brother Tim to my Burner community. I just got an invite to Luis’s bachelor party and remembered when we’d coordinate turning off the lights in the frat house and running to our rooms late at night, after we’d inexplicably decided to exchange ghost stories at 3am. My bother Ratchai and his amazing wife Kristi opened their home to me when my world had shattered after the disillusion of a six-year relationship. When my car broke down in the middle of nowhere at midnight in Temecula, David Diaz didn’t hesitate to come pick me up and make sure I have a warm bed to sleep in. Derek’s jokes about my coffee-shop addiction make me laugh every time. I have crazy stories about that time I played a tiny role in my brother Dolf’s feature film, which was shot mostly in Tijuana’s red light district. I directed my brother Karlo’s music video last year. I catch up with my brother Ryan often. Andrew Hurov fixed my car when I was unemployed and broke and couldn’t afford a mechanic. There have been multiple times where I’ve needed a big-brother pat on the back (Thanks Fernando!) or a big-brother kick in the ass (Thanks Sergio!) and gotten it just in time. There are stories, the events for which I wasn’t even present, that I feel like I was totally a part of when shared today. It goes on and on. I couldn’t possibly recognize every single important memory with these guys in this post.


Gamma Phi Epsilon was the first multi-cultural fraternity at SDSU. It seems so far away from our reality of living in progressive California today but the Greek system is an elite institution within an elite institution. Predominantly populated by caucasians who come from families that make above median incomes, it has always been a breeding ground for homophobia, bullying and group-think. I didn’t realize how revolutionary #GPhiE was while I was in the thick of it. Being a Gamma was mostly a headache when I was active at school. But the family we formed has been a tree that never stopped yielding fruits of knowledge, support and experiences in my life since college. I may not see Jose or Ray or RiCo for years at a time, but when we link up it’s as if not even a day has passed.


I sat outside Alfred and Andre’s office today and thought about how truly blessed I am to have had these amazing connections in my life. Now if only I can find a way to get all these guys to Burning Man…